dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
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Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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