Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
