The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
