Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
