I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
