mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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