Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
