And to think..we used to do everything sober...
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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