So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
