I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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