So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
