I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
