Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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