I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
then he tried to convert me to islam
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
