Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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