I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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