I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
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