Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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