Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
