So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
