i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
