you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
