dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Randomize
