Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
