Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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