Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
