Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
