Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
