yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
