BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
