Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
