Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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