ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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