Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
