You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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