is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
