Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
