It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Randomize
