Just cropdusted the office
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Randomize
