Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
