So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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