Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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