When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
