I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
