Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
it's like iHOP with fire
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
