My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
