omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
You pole danced in your parka.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
