i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
he fucked my hip out of place.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
