look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I enjoy the company of your penis
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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