I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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