a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
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