He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Damn victory sex feels great
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
