I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Randomize
