i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
