matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
