is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
