My first STD was from a foam party
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
