RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
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