I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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