I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
