I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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