i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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