U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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