get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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