I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
