You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
