Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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