she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Randomize
