He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
