Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
