Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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