I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
